Conversations Between Husband and Wife

After chomping down my dinner in hamster mode, I picked up my dishes and walked into the kitchen.  There they are again -- dishes piled NOT in the sink but on the chopping board close to the sink.  So I turned to Bunny who was busy stuffing his face full of cinnamon buns that I made just for him last Friday (Yup that's how much I love him.  I made 3 dozens of cinnamon buns of various tastes and didn't even eat one bite at all).

Me: Why do you never put the dirty dishes in the sink?

Bunny: I don't want to overwhelm the sink (as if the sink would burst into tears any moment from the dirtiness surrounding it).

Me: There is nothing in the sink!  Plus those dishes are really dirty.  I mean you just left them on the floor after you ate so that Max could lick on them.  Now you are putting them on the board that I chop food on.  Basically you're eating dirt off the floor.

Bunny: Wha?  You're not suppose to chop food on that board.  Plus I always chop food on this board (gesture to the plastic chopping board in front of him).

Me: What's wrong with this board?

Bunny: It's a pizza stone.

Me: I'm Chinese (as if this explains all phenomena in the world including how the universe was created and how David Bowie's hair is always perfect).

Bunny lifted one of his brows up in that questioning look.

Me: Sigh...We don't make pizza.  This board seems more sturdy and odor resistant.  I'm chopping on this board.  Plus you never wash that board.  That one is even more dirty.

Bunny: Dirty your ass.

Me: My ass is not dirty!  It's squeaky clean.  Even if I put food on my ass and serve it to you, it'd still be cleaner than chopping food on that board.

Bunny: Not the last time I've tried.

Me: Whaaa!?!  (trying to search in my memory whether I did something extra kinky while I was drunk)  I never put food on my ass!!!!

Bunny:  That's right.  You've never.  So you can't say the food will still be cleaner.

Me: Fine!  From now on all your food will be smeared on my ass before I served it to you.  Same goes to all the food in the fridge (leaving Bunny to debate whether I would carry out my threat).

While Bunny and I were taking a moment to cuddle on the couch in the kitchen, Max bounced onto Bunny's lap and stomped on his balls with his massive bear paw.  Bunny stifled a choked whimper sound from Max's "affection".

Me:  Wow.  He had you at the balls.  That's like a high-five, except it's a balls-five.

Bunny: That's not funny.

Me: Max!  Balls-five!!!

Max smacked his bear paw on Bunny's balls with deadly accuracy and speed that Bunny couldn't block the attack.  There he was, curling up into a shrimp ball whimpering.  God I love my puppy!

Look into his eyes!  You can't really get mad at him for slapping your balls, can you? (that is only if you have balls)


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